he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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