I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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