Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
