I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
