You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
