Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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