I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
