oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
