Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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