I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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