Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
