found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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