What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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