Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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