I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
