Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
