I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
