is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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