does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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