Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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