she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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