I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
