dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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