I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
