What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
