things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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