she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
