why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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