so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
