you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
