Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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