glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
