I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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