is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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