Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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