no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
