i may or may not be watching the land before time
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
