I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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