1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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