When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
