Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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