i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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