so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
