I met the friendliest cop last night
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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