how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
