She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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