oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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