was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
