I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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