I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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