Swine flu. Run for my life!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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