onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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