Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
