i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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