She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
