If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
