Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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