I will die if light touches me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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