I faked an abortion last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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