Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
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The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma