I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.