good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
