PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing