she woke up with a sticky ear
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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