i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
