Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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