I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
