I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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