Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
