I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He passed out mid-signature
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
