I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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