I'm going to jail i love you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
