Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just had sex on a roof
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
