you guys were way drunker than both of me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
