What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
