Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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