glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
