at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
