dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
