is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
