508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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