I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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